Amazing thoughts and feelings,


O.K., so I’ve got to be honest I am tired of dealing with cancer. I have spent the entire summer in doctor’s offices, getting pricked and poked, enduring round after round of chemotherapy, feeling sick and exhausted, bones aching, and I am just really getting weary of living in this documentary about breast cancer!! I am ready for an action adventure, a comedy, or even a sappy chick flick. Just please, somebody change the channel!!

I was crying out to God today and found this verse in the Amplified Bible that seemed to fit my mood. “Evening and morning and at noon will I utter my complaint and moan and sigh, and He will hear my voice.” Psalm 55:17

I am so thankful that God will hear my complaints and not judge me for it. There is just something about telling my Savior about my struggles that makes things easier…

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Please kick me while I am down

I say this with all sincerity. My father passed away today, my mother is having surgery tomorrow, and I am still waiting on the results of my mammogram. With all of the turmoil, please, kick me while I am down so I do not have to go through much more for much longer.

I have realized, it is much easier to deal with all of the bad news at once than to have it fed to you over and over again during an extended period. So, now that my roller coaster has begun, I will buckle up my harness and just roll along.

I have a tremendous support system and I appreciate the fact my youngest son was able to take off of work to be with me, and my co-workers are supportive.

I got home from work, had some rolled tacos and a stiff drink of Jack (my dad’s favorite). Here is to you old man and to you being so stubborn you would not even get in the ambulance yesterday. I love you and I will forever be grateful for the short time we had together. Your stories of the Navy and the shipboard life of a boatswains mate were always entertaining and your fight for Veteran’s rights were energizing. Thank you Dad for everything you did.

Wounded in Action and Inaction

Cultural diversity is not acceptable in many countries, but in America, we are supposed to be the great melting pot. Regardless of the many cultural influences, most Americans are lacking in basic social skills. Two of the biggest skills that we need to improve upon are respect and compassion.  Many people in our society are oblivious and are not willing to learn about new people, places, religions, or cultures. When did anyone give American’s the right to judge people, and when did the fabric of our families and our country begin to fall apart? I ask myself, “When did this happen?” and I realize quite quickly it escalated after that fateful day September 11, 2001. I also recognize that our mindsets can be changed by life altering events or forced circumstances.

Our country was devastated in all aspects, but it also changed the way people in our country would look at their neighbors, and anyone else they would come into contact with. September 11, 2001 would also tear families apart and send our young men and women into a battle they will never fully recover from and they will never win.

Men and women who served our country during this current time of war are heroes. But what is the ultimate cost? They will never admit to being victims, but Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is affluent among most of the military that have served in this war. It is often undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years. Government services are not providing adequate support or funding for these individuals and many are left handicapped because of the lack of proper services.

Case in point, I see men and women who come home from the war with traumatic brain injuries. Imagine your child serving for several tours coming home and not getting the services they need….  As I continue with this blog, you will read some of the most disturbing things I encounter with the way our government is treating the Wounded War Fighter’s that come home alive but might not be able to take care of themselves.  I will also point out some additional flaws that have failed our military and some unfair flaws involving their pay. So they are wounded every which way.

You, your horse, your village, and my observation

Do you have a horse? Did you ride in on a horse? Can you pay for freaking horse? Or, better yet, can you pay for your car, your rent, and your children?

If you are in your early twenties, I am willing to bet that you may not have the education and I am willing to guess that if you have children, you cannot afford them. I would also bet the horse is broken and close to making it to the glue factory.

So, please explain to me why the hell I should give a damn about your issues?  Why should I support your life choices?   Here is why…  you may be a complete screw up, but, your children should not suffer because of your complete ignorance. While I cannot afford to raise everyone’s children, my village will always step up and help when needed. The village that raised me taught me that life happens and sometimes you need to ask ..  My village is strong enough to help out others.

Where is your village? Why doesn’t your village step up to the plate?

Is your village so broken that it cannot even raise you and your bad decisions up? If, so, I would consider finding a new village.  Everyone is faced with decisions and sometimes we make poor ones. When those decisions impacts another human being, is there any sort of warning that alarms us

Do not get me wrong, I know that life happens and there are some things that just cannot be helped and I realize that. But, what chaps my behind more than anything is when someone wants to sit and judge…  and it may sound like I am judging, but I am not. I think it important that everyone make a difference in a child’s life and I was the afforded that opportunity this past weekend.

Everyone is pretty familiar with the saying “Random act of kindness”, but how many of us can say we have done it? How many of us can say that we do it without expectations? It is pretty hard to do. I am selfish, self-centered, and spoiled. I admit this, but my village that raised me also taught me tolerance.

So I challenge you to help someone in your village and be tolerant.

When did the military become a business?

I love our United States Military and I have great respect for them, even the ones that are disrespectful. Over the past several years there have been some changes that I am irritated with. The biggest one is the mindset that the military is a business. Our service men and women are not a business; it is a voluntary way of life. It is a choice to serve our country and they still do it knowing they will be underpaid. They know they may make the ultimate sacrifice, but they do it for various reasons. Some choose the military to escape from prison, homelessness, to gain education or trade, and some because it is family expectations.

With our government outsourcing so many functions and entering into long-term contracts or partnerships with civilian organizations that are financially driven, we are doing an enormous dis-service to our men and women in uniform.

I work for the government and we have a long-term partnership with a company that is all about the money. Young families are being evicted from their “Military Housing” because they cannot pay their “rent”. Families are living out of their vehicles and in shelters because the “partnership” wants their money and no matter how desperate the situation, they will not turn a blind eye for a couple of months while they go through financial counseling. Anyone who is married knows that finances impact the harmony of the union. The government is fostering divorce and psychological discord because of the almighty dollar. How can we fix this?

The biggest irritation is that we, the government, cannot find a way to work with a our partner to fully assist our medical evacuees and at times they refuse to help people that did not want to be sent here, but were forced here because of medical issues.

This just pisses me off each and every day!

Rearview – Work

As I reflect on the past few years, I am beginning to ask myself, “Am I trying to make up for lost time?”

My answer, “Yes I am, because I can.”

My passion has always been USN and support.  My mother worked for the Navy and payroll so her passion and dedication to supporting others  is ingrained.

I had a couple of different conversations this past week that made me reflect about a few things.  Here is what I came up with:

I am an adult and quite frankly, I am tired of carrying the load of other adults.

Our job changes every day due to political climate and the next best idea.  If you don’t know that by now, I can’t help you and I don’t want to listen to you bitch about it.  CHANGE your attitude for f*cK sake.

Singling out co-workers because you are having a bad day should not be my problem and for f*cK sake it shouldn’t be the problem of the customer walking through the door!  Stay home, take one of your precious vacation days!

If you don’t like the above, get another job or quit complaining about it!

Be open with your team!  If you are having an off day, let someone know so they can rally the troops and give some support.  Don’t make me play guessing games and then try to defend you.

TEAM TEAM TEAM!   That means we all work together!  We spend more waking hours with each other than we do with our families.

Guess what???  Those co-workers that you complain about have some of the skills that you need.  Work together.

Do your job with the passion that you once had.  Imagine your child walking through those doors and getting automatic push back.

Educate our sailors/soldiers and their spouses.  Make a positive difference if you can.

My 8-13 hour days are kicking my butt, but it is worth it if I can end it on a positive note.

Those of you who may read it and be offended by it, I will not apologize for putting my thoughts down and publishing them on my blog/facebook.

Step up and do another 10%, I will continue to do mine

Reba 2

Reba is an amazing dog.  She offers all of the comforts of a great friend and all of the responsibilities of a child.  I recently learned that Reba’s breeder passed away and I was looking for some great Bully insight that he gave and below is a culmination of what I could find from other Bully owners and what I can recall.

Bully’s and Reba like to have their own place that we can’t encroach on…  their crate/kennel.  They don’t like to be there for long periods, but like the ability to go there if they want.

It’s all about ME!

I am a lap dog regardless of how wide my chest or my head gets

There’s no place like my daddy’s lap when I want to take a nice nap

I know how to open doors and that makes me dangerous

My daddy is a sound sleeper.  I love bursting through the door and jumping on top of him

Sometimes when dad is sleeping, he really needs a Bully hat

Belly scratches are awesome

Nothing makes people laugh more than a crazy bully run (so you should do them a lot)!!

A king size bed is not large enough, I must have room!  If you are in it, it should be at least the width of a double size trailer

Walk, walk, walk…. Okay, but only for a few minutes, then I have to rest

I love to dictate where everyone is at all the time.  I will heard you to where I want you to be

I enjoy being outside, baking in the sun but only for a short amount of time.  Please be standing by the back door so you can let me inside when I desire

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so you should try to eat at least 2 a day. This works best if you can convince mom that you haven’t been fed yet and will wither away (and possibly die) if not fed IMMEDIATELY!!

Fetch…  I want you to chase after me to get the ball, one caught, I want you to throw it and praise me.

I CAN SEE YOU.  I don’t have to move my head or open my eyes completely.  I can still see you.

They say, Bull Terriers are “Clowns in a Dog Suit”.  I must agree.

Motivation and Raina

I had back surgery in Nov 2010.  I am a wonderful success story BUT, it is only because of my support system that included my husband, son Tylor, dog, family and my entire work team.  If it wasn’t for all of them working as a cohesive unit, I wouldn’t be here today.

Today I am excited to say that I can work a full 8 – 12 hour day.  I am saddened that I still can’t do extensive walking or standing.  I am grateful that I have a family that understands.  I am thankful I can work an entire day, but saddened that my weekends are spent off my feet and doing nothing but sitting in front of the TV because of my 50 hour week.  I am super thankful the majority of my days are spent pain free.

I am grateful my beautiful granddaughter Raina is my motivation.

I am thankful the only thing that I have to try to do right now is slow down, eat right and exercise.  But, isn’t that what we are supposed to do?